I am writing this text in the light of recent decisions and their results. Also prompted by the comments and questions I received on the publication of some posts. Maybe this text will get its epilogue, or I'll wait to publish it until I have answers.
What I'm learning to adopt and live now is trust in the life we live and what comes with it even when I don't know the outcome or impact of everything that happens to us. Sometimes the hardest thing is to surrender to the unknown and believe that everything happens for a reason at the moment when we need it the most. Because we all know that not all life lessons are easy or pleasant, in fact some are painful and intense and sometimes we feel that we cannot live with them.
What is our plan? Do we even have a plan going forward? Will we return "home"? What is a house anyway? What is home? Do we have a home or has it been neglected between all the work on the house, all the efforts, effort and time and suitcases and changing destinations. Perhaps the concept of home must be dissolved, dissected, questioned in order to really understand its meaning for each of us.
Maybe, maybe not.
What is our plan when there is no real plan and when even the weak plan we have is subject to change? Is it even possible to live a fulfilled and quality life without a plan and planning?
More than a year ago, we decided to rent a house and travel for 8-10 months. Then we thought we had a plan and that we would 1.3. 2022. to be back in our own house, in the life we had and built until then. Maybe we should have been smarter, taught by previous experiences, and know that nothing is static, especially not the feelings and values we carry inside. Maybe we should have known that life is about change and that even what we think and believe today will not be there in the next moment.
And so one plan was replaced by another to the extent that they were no longer plans, but only ideas of what could eventually become. At the moment when we extended our stay in the Dominican Republic, we also changed our decision to return to Europe on 1.3. When we stayed in Croatia for more than a few months, we changed our decision to return to Denmark as planned after 10 months. A month ago, we decided to return around August 1. A week ago, that date was moved to September 13. The return ticket to Europe has been changed. What is left for us.
House?
After questioning, talking, all the internal processes and emotions that came and went with it: the house ended up being sold and at this moment there is one offer that may be realized. In that case, there is one reason to return: to move out and make a decision as to what to do next. But in light of the consequences of our decisions, there are a thousand possibilities. The limitations of our mind and the habits we lived and were (or still are) lead us to re-examine our own values, goals and desires. And so what is now changes and is reshaped.
We have no plan and are learning to live fully in the present moment. Those who have never tried to live consciously in the present are not even aware of the challenges of this skill. Those who have tried or are trying to do the same (and often fail) know how difficult it is to truly be here and now - without plans, without concrete foundations and returning to what was or what can yet become.
We are one of the privileged ones who are not prevented by basic existential issues to let go. What often stops us or holds us back are our own limitations. Because let's be honest, we learn and often repeat mistakes in which we try again to find the foundations for growth and development.
Not easy.
Lack of answers to basic questions can seem like a threat. And then what are questions for, if they cannot be answered?
And what to say to the questions that come from the outside from others? Pleasing others means looking for meaning in the unknown and finding at least some kind of foothold from which at least some answers can emerge. But to be honest, more and more over time I accept that I cannot be what I am not, nor that I can give of myself what I do not possess. Even when it means potentially disappointing others or worrying those for whom the plan is more important than the feelings that fill us now.
My best and biggest answer for now is that I don't know anything except that we are fine.
We are good in our bodies, psyche, our inner world, we are good where we are and with what we have.
Now.
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